Stress: Not a new word around here!!

Oh stress, how you take up so much of my life recently!!

Well last week my mom had her breast removed. yikes!! And to think they were going to do nothing but send her home because the mammogram showed nothing. Luckily she spoke up, because this little "zit" on her nipple hurt. They did a biopsy, and sure enough it came back cancerous. So they took the thing off, and tested some of her lymph nodes, but they were ok.

So yesterday she went to the doctor for the follow up, and it wasn't good. They studied the breast they removed under the microscope, and there were more cancer cells than they knew about. Apparently they didn't even show up in the MRI. And I guess the main way breast cancer spreads through the body is through the lymph nodes near/under the armpit to the rest of the body. So next week (while her scars are new, cause scar tissue is really tough) they are going to go in and take some of them out.

ahhhhhh!!!!!!!

And it's a surreal experience looking at her minus a breast....

But it really has brought us closer, I try to be home a little more than before, and I always ask how she's doing. I brought her a balloon and orchids in the hospital.

I'm so happy that I have Heinz's support; he even went with me to visit her in the hospital even though he's terrified of them.

I've never dealt with cancer before, and it's a scary experience. There are so many unknowns. I don't know a thing, but yet often times reading Web MD or websites like that instill fear instead of knowledge. And it's my mom. You never want anything bad to happen to your parents.

On top of that I still can't find a mother fucking job that actually uses my degree. They all want experience. But I don't have that because I'm just being fucked over from a company I've worked my ass off for. Wanting to gain experience with them, but then not being good enough for them. No raise in over 2 years. And quite a few "fuck yous" from HQ.

So what do I do? I guess what I have been; whoring my resume out and hope to hear something. Anything.

And support my mom any way I can :)

cancer :(

AHHH!!!
Well today my mom found out that she has to have her whole breast removed. And as much as you hear about breast cancer, you never think it will happen to you/a loved one. And as much as I don't get a long with my mom, it makes me sad to think that she has to have one of main thing that defines us as women, removed.

On one hand she really lucky that it's more to make sure the cancer does not spread, not that the whole breast is infected with cancer. But it's scary. And I know shes scared even if she won't tell me. Would that be rude to buy her one of the fake ones to put in her bra? Or would she think that's sweet? hmm. we already have such a weird relationship, I'm not sure how to approach anything with her!